Success is Never Final

The Marshmallow Principle of Success

2008-07-11T21:00:00.001+08:00

What do marshmallows have to do with success? A study conducted in the 1960s by Stanford University researcher Michael Mischel showed that there is a strong correlation between delayed gratification and long-term success. In this study, 4-year-old children were given one marshmallow and were told that if they could wait until the researcher returned from running an errand before eating the marshmallow they would be given one more marshmallow.

About on-third of the children ate the marshmallow right away. Another third waited for a few minutes, but could not resist the temptation and ate the marshmallow before the researcher returned. The last third of the children were able to wait 15-20 minutes until the researcher returned and were rewarded with the extra marshmallow.

Several years later they followed up with these children and found that the one third that had demonstrated the ability to delay gratification and control impulse became successful, well adjusted young adults and continued to enjoy success later in life. These individuals were more positive, were able to motivate themselves, and had the ability to persist when facing difficulties in pursuing their goals. As a result they had more successful marriages, more money, better satisfaction in their jobs, and better health.

The one-third of the children that could not delay gratification and control their impulse faced more difficulties later in life, and they were found to be more troubled, stubborn and less likely to achieve long-term goals. These individuals were usually easily distracted and had difficulty concentrating in preparing for an important event such as a big test. These problems followed them throughout life resulting in less successful marriages, low job satisfaction, poor health and a more frustrating life.

Joachim de Posada, a renown motivational speaker, has leveraged this study to create the Marshmallow Principle which he describes in detail in his book Don't Eat The Marshmallow…Yet!: The Secret to Sweet Success in Work and Life. The book describes the difference between success and failure using a parable and real life examples. It is based on the idea that success has more to do with delayed gratification than hard work or superior intelligence.

Think about how this principle contrasts to recent trends in society to seek immediate gratification. Are these trends detrimental to the success of future generations? Are we teaching our children the right tools for achieving success?

This study seems to imply that success is to a great extent an inherited trait. Those that were born with the right genes and who are able to naturally control their needs for immediate gratification will be more successful than those that were not as lucky. However, other studies have shown opposing views that go as far as attributing success completely to effort and practice, regardless of natural talents. De Posada believes that the truth lies somewhere in between. According to him your genetic blueprint will have an important impact on your ability to be successful, but the environment has just as strong an effect. In other words, the skills required for success can to a certain extent be learned, and even those that were not naturally gifted have an opportunity to learn the behaviors that lead to success. The nature versus nurture debate presses on.

Delaying gratification requires discipline, persistence and strong will. These are virtues that you find in many successful people. If you were not born with these traits, you should develop them through training and practice. The next time you feel the urge for immediate gratification, remember the marshmallow principle.

Success Is In Your Mind

2008-07-08T19:59:00.005+08:00

Success is in your mind. Regardless of your definition of success, most people would agree that success starts with your thoughts, your ideas and your beliefs – in other words, your mind. The realization that the source of success is contained in something as abstract and as fragile as thoughts and ideas can be both exhilarating and frightening at the same time. It is a great feeling to realize that with the power of your mind alone you can achieve anything you want, and you can reach the success that you so desire. On the other hand, ideas and thoughts are very fragile – they quickly come and go.

Is success something that can be obtained or lost as easily as a thought that passes through your head in an instant? I think the answer can be yes and no.

Some of your thoughts and ideas are more permanent in nature. These are the beliefs, the habits, the personalities, and all the other intricacies of the mind that make up the core of who you are. Knowledge, skills and abilities are other components of your mind that have a somewhat permanent component. However, some knowledge and skills can lose their strengths if not put to practice, and new skills and knowledge can be gained through study, practice and experience. A person’s beliefs, habits, personalities, knowledge, skills and abilities are critical components of success that will not fade away or be lost in a passing moment.

However, there are thoughts and ideas that can be critical to your success that can be lost in an instant. These are the observations, insights, clarifications, or just ideas that flash through your head in a moment of inspiration. Most people don’t pay much attention to these special occasions when your mind reveals to you something that if acted upon could result in a significant opportunity. It is easy to discount these thoughts as just silly ideas, and forever lose them. In your anxiousness to get on with the tasks of your busy life you may disregard these thoughts and risk losing the opportunity to act on something that may be the chance to reach the success you desire.

Take Time to Think

Successful people understand the importance of spending quality time doing high level thinking. You should schedule at least 30 minutes to one hour each day when you are alone and your mind is free from clutter and distractions. Use this time to let you mind flow and reveal to you the fragile thoughts that you may dismiss when you are busy with other things. When those thoughts come to you, don’t discard them. Let them fill your mind with the possibilities and with your dreams of success, unrestricted by any constraints.

Get in the Habit of Writing

You never know when great ideas will pop in your head. Therefore, it is very important that you always carry with you a notebook and pen to jot down your ideas as soon as they come to you. This notebook can also be very useful for writing down observations that will help you become successful. If you run into a successful person that you admire, write down the habits, mannerisms, qualities, or anything else about this person that stands out. If you observe something that is done with excellence, or high quality, be it a product or a service, write it down. Fill your notebook with lessons learned, conclusions you have reached, resolutions you have made, goals you have established, observations you have made, and just about anything that will help you solidify your thoughts around success.

If you enjoy writing, you may consider starting a blog. A blog will help you develop the habit of writing on a regular basis, of organizing your thoughts, of coming up with ideas and topics that you want to share with others. One of the advantages of having a blog is that you know your material will be read by others and this forces you to put a little more effort into your writing, to concentrate a little more, and to think a little more about the things that are important to you. This in turn may spark additional thoughts and ideas that can be the topic of a future posting. Pretty soon will you have a journal of your own thoughts, a source of wisdom that you can refer back to, and a historical recollection of each step in your personal growth.

Here is what Michael Gerber, the renown small business coach and bestselling author of The E-Myth Revisited has to say about writing as he discusses how an entrepreneurial vision starts to take form:

“Take out your ‘Notes to Myself’ and begin to write down whatever, and I mean whatever, comes to mind. Just let it all come out. Write, write, write, to release the flood of impressions you are experiencing, because within that flood is gold from high up on the mountain above you. See it. Feel it. Think about it…. Pour your heart onto the page of your life”

Your roadmap to success is hidden like a treasure in deep thoughts inside your brain. Writing will make it easier to dig for that treasure, forcing those deep thoughts to flow to the surface, so you can capture them and use them as your guidance in your success journey. With this let me assure you that you are one step closer to your Success. Never give up and you will make it!

The Secret of Success When You Don’t Feel Like a Success

2008-07-02T18:42:00.004+08:00

In your success journey you are likely to run into some bad days. In fact, some days will be really rotten, when nothing works, and you feel like your efforts are wasted. When this happens you may get discouraged and start questioning the very reason for why you are doing what you are doing. Then your mind starts wondering if something is wrong with you. You start to ask: “Why can’t I have the same success as many other people that I know?”

Let me tell you straight up - there is going to be some bad days. You are not always going to feel like a success. It happens to everyone, including the most successful people in the world. The secret of success is to keep ongoing, even when you don’t feel like a success. The feeling will pass, but your ability to stay the course, and reach success, will depend on how you react to this feeling.

Yaro Starak from Entrepreneur’s Journey wrote a related article called “How to Remain Productive When You Feel Like Giving Up” The article talks about the importance of creating some sort of positive output that will get you closer to your goals, even when you don’t feel like it. Even if you take just one very small step that will get you just a little bit closer to where you want to be - instead of just laying around and not taking any action - will positively impact your mood and put you back on track.

Yaro also touches on a very important subject, which is how you react to other people’s success. Do you find it motivating? – “If he could do it, so can I!”. Or do you find it resentful? – “Why can’t I have his success?” If you ever find yourself letting your mind wonder towards the latter, snap out of it. Get your mind busy with something else and don’t let those negative thoughts foster around your head. Listen to what Yaro has to say from an entrepreneur's perspective:

“Your mind is your greatest asset for success in business, but it can be just as strong a force of hindrance, sabotaging your efforts, destroying your work ethic and leaving you with no option but to return to the soul destroying job you promised yourself that you would never go back to.”

When you don’t feel like a success, here are few things you can do to get yourself back on track in your success journey:

Take a Break

If you need a break, take it. Go do something fun and get your minds off your problems for a little while. Once you are refreshed get right back to it. Don’t confuse taking a break with what Yaro was telling you not to do, which is to lay around resenting your situation. Also don’t confuse it with procrastination, which is putting off a problem indefinitely. A break is a purposeful change in your current cycle so that you can get your mind refreshed. You must go into it with the full intention of getting right back to business when you are ready.

Work Out

Working out is a great way to get your mind and body re-energized. If you are in a bad mood or depressed, get your body moving and pretty soon your mind will snap right back into a motivated state.

Count Your Blessings

As bad as things may seem to be, it could always be worse. Take some time to think about all the good things you have going for you, many of which you may be taking for granted: your health, your family, or even the fact that you were able to feed yourself today. If you are not starving today, just realize that there are many people in this world who would be thrilled to have what you have.

Read a Good Book

There are many great books out there that can help you get back in a motivated mood. There are a few good ones listed in the book review page on this site. Look for something that will inspire you – the autobiography of someone who has done what you want to do is always a good choice.

Talk to a Friend

Find someone you like and trust and share your concerns. Sometimes just talking about your problems helps alleviate the weight on your shoulders.

If there is just one thing I want you to remember from this post, it is this:

When the day comes when you don’t feel like a success, remember that I warned you that this day would come. Then realize that this feeling is a natural part of the success process. Follow some of the suggestions above if they help, but never give up on your success journey.

Here is to your success!

Success Momentum

2008-06-28T17:42:00.002+08:00

A body in motion tends to stay in motion. Behind this fundamental law of physics lies a very important principle of success that can be simply summarized as this: Success leads to success. Have you ever noticed how when something starts going right in one aspect of you life it tends to have a positive impact on other aspects of your life? If you are able to make a positive change even in just one small aspect of your life this may trigger a whole new level of energy and renewed motivation in many other aspects of your life, leading to more accomplishment and success. We call this phenomenon success momentum.

Making profound changes in life can be overwhelming. Sometimes it seems like there are so many goals to accomplish and so much improvement that needs to be made that we just get paralyzed and end up putting off or giving up on all of our life dreams. So how do you get back in gear? How do you get beyond the paralysis that robs you from reaching your full potential? The answer lies in the principle of success momentum.

The key to properly leveraging success momentum is to find one aspect of you life, or one particular goal that is pretty important to you, and yet is not very difficult to accomplish. If all of your important goals are too hard to accomplish you may want to consider choosing one and breaking it down into smaller milestones that are more easily accomplished. But once you choose a goal or a particular area of improvement it is very important that you give it all you have in order to achieve success. You have to get psyched and motivated to put all your energies and focus in getting this one small thing accomplished.

For example, let’s say you feel that you need to lose a significant amount of weight. But the thought of dieting and exercising is too overwhelming for you to even get started. However, what happens if you have one piece of clothing that you like that is currently feeling too tight to be worn comfortably and you decide to set a goal to lose just enough weight to fit comfortably into this piece of clothing? Maybe you need to lose 2-4 pounds to accomplish this goal (if it takes much more than that then you need to choose another goal), and you commit to make a significant effort over a period of 2-3 weeks to accomplish this. So, during this time period you watch what you eat and you exercise daily for a minimum of 30 minutes, until you fit into this piece of clothing comfortably again.

If you can do just that, and lose just enough weight to fit into one of your favorite clothes you can set off the success momentum. Your accomplishment will help you change your entire attitude about losing weight and you will be much better prepared psychologically to go to the next level. Once you get the momentum going with the weigh lose you can set additional small goals that will get you ever closer to your overall goal of losing significant weight.

Once you start losing weight what you may find is that other areas of your life may start improving also. Losing weight will give you more confidence and energy which in turn will likely help you improve your work performance and potentially some other areas of your life.

Another example is eliminating clutter and becoming better organized. Perhaps your current situation is such that you do not have the energy or motivation to get started on a big organization project. But if you can find one small area to get uncluttered, perhaps one room, the desktop or even just one drawer, this may be enough to get the success momentum going. Once you get one small area uncluttered, you will get excited about working on the next area and eventually you may eliminate clutter all around you. This may be enough to get your head cleared, to gain efficiency in your work, and to even improve your creativity.

Success momentum is about getting started. Success momentum is about getting yourself in a state of flow where one small win leads to another small win, eventually leading to a big win. Try the principle of success momentum today and see for yourself what impact it has in your search for success.

How to Deal With Failure

2008-06-27T23:51:00.001+08:00

One of the most important things you need to know about success is how to manage failure. As paradoxical (If something is paradoxical, it involves two facts or qualities which seem to contradict each other) as it may sound, how you deal with failure is one of the best indicators of your chances of achieving success. Now let’s be frank – dealing with failure is not easy. It is hard to accept failure. It hurts your pride. It does not feel good to fail. Yet, in order to achieve success your must not only be comfortable with failure, you must actually embrace it.

Have you ever seen someone who is hanging on to a failure and simply will not let go of it? It is very sad scenery. People that have a hard time dealing with failure tend to go in total denial about their failures. They ignore all the signs that are telling them they are at a dead end and they tend to dig themselves into a deeper and deeper hole. They spin and rationalize everything. The have a million reasons, or as some would call it, excuses, as to why they are in the situation they are in. They will spend countless hours justifying it, renaming it, redefining, it. They will do everything but the one and only right thing to do when faced with failure – embrace it.

When faced with failure, the most important thing you need to do first is recognize it and admit that you failed. If you can get past this one simple, but incredibly difficult hurdle, you will then be in a great position to do the second most important thing you need to do when you fail – learn from your mistakes. If you are truly committed to success, absorb and live by these words:

Failure is nothing but nature’s way of telling you that the way you went about it was not the right way.

Do you have strong failure management skills? The questions below will help test your ability to manage failure and achieve success:

Do You Share Your Mistakes with Others?

If you are afraid of sharing your mistakes with others, that is a good indication that you are not comfortable with failure. Make it a habit to share your mistakes with others. Be comfortable with your mistakes and failures to the point where talking about them does not bother you anymore.

Do You Only Do Things You Know Will Succeed?

If you hear someone say “I never failed” – watch out. This is a strong indicator that this person has never really experienced success because they so narrowly define the boundaries of what they are willing to try that they never get past mediocrity.

Are You Very Conscious of Your Mistakes?

When you do something wrong, if you become overly conscious of your mistake you will limit your ability to achieve success. It is very important that you not spend too much time thinking about past mistakes. Learn from them and move on. Do not let past mistakes prevent you from achieving future success.

Do You Think Failure is Shameful?

If you do, you need to get past this way of thinking. There is absolutely nothing shameful about failure. Failure is simply the result of an experiment. Failure is a powerful lesson of what not to do in the future. Failure is the best way to get to success.

Do you get the true meaning of what this article is trying to tell you? I hope you do. I hope you embrace failure. I hope you fail hard. I hope you fail often. The quicker you embrace failure, the quicker you will achieve success.

The Trouble with Success

2008-06-24T20:39:00.004+08:00

Success is the ultimate goal for many people. Most of us crave it, several of us seek it, and many of us actually achieve it, at least to a certain degree. But can past success be detrimental to additional success in the future? Can it prevent you from being a better person? Can it keep you from getting to where you actually want to go? In other words, can a little success be a roadblock to the “ultimate” success? In the highly acclaimed book What Got You Here Won't Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful, author Marshall Goldsmith argues that indeed, success, or at least what he calls the delusion of success, can create resistance to change and therefore prevent you from achieving improvements in you life. We will further explore this topic in this article to help you achieve your ultimate success.

Goldsmith may have a point. We have all heard stories of people that achieved a certain degree of success and then stopped. They become complacent. They are unable to achieve further growth. It happens to athletes, it happens to companies, it can happen to everyday people.

Goldsmith explains that this lack of growth can be blamed on delusions of success. He argues that in the workplace we tend to overestimate our contributions, and we may have an unrealistic opinion of our skills and standings among our peers. Some people may even take credit for the successes of others. He also says we ignore our failures and discount the costs built into projects, overestimating our projects impact to the bottom line. This, according to him, creates a delusion of success, and this delusion becomes a liability when change is needed.

Goldsmith suggests that successful people go into denial and do not believe criticisms apply to them – otherwise they wouldn’t be successful. The idea is that these people have positive interpretations of their past performance and believe that their success will naturally continue in the future. This gives them a sense of control over their destiny that turns into a belief system that is very resistant to change.

Here are the four key beliefs of successful people according to Goldsmith:

1. I Have Succeeded

Successful people look at the past through rose-colored glasses. They believe in their past successes to the point where it becomes a roadblock to behavioral change.

2. I Can Succeed

Successful people also have a strong belief that they are capable of making good things happen. Whether it is done through skills, intelligence, or brute force, successful people have a strong belief that they can drive any situation in a direction that is favorable to them.

3. I Will Succeed

Successful people are optimistic by nature, and sometimes they become too optimistic – this may explain why they are so busy, extending themselves and becoming over committed. This overcommitment is often used as an excuse for not making behavioral changes even when the change is recognized as needed.

4. I Want to Succeed

Successful people believe that they are doing what they are doing because they choose to do so. And it just so happens that the more you believe that your behavior is the result of your own choices and commitments, the less likely you are to want to change your behavior.

All of these beliefs of successful people have served them well in getting to the level of success they have achieved. However, they can also get in the way of these people recognizing and accepting the need for change that could lead to even higher levels of success.

Goldsmith states that in order for change to occur, successful people have to recognize that making changes will serve their own best interests as defined by their own values. In other words, in order to achieve a higher level of success, people that are already successful need to accept that only by changing the behavior that got them here (the current level of success) they will get there (the higher level of success).

The lesson here is that if you are a middle manager looking to become an upper manager, doing what you have done to become a successful middle manager will not get you there. If you are small league star, you will have to do things differently to play in the majors. If you are truly committed to reaching your full potential, you need to be open to change and not rely on your past successes alone.

Keys To An Achievable Outcome

2008-06-19T13:22:00.005+08:00

What do YOU exactly WANT?

wPick one goal if you have several goals. Every goal is connected. Which goal when attained will have the largest influence on all the rest?

wMake sure your goal is stated in terms of what you want and not what you don’t want. Eg. “I don’t want to talk to fast during my presentation” should be phrased as “I want my voice to be firm and clear, with full control to adjust, whenever I want it”

Can You Achieve This Goal Your Self?

wMake sure your goal is stated in a way that you can get it your self, leaving no room for blaming other people or circumstance.

wEg. “I want to stop panicking when the audience don’t respond to me” We have no control over them do we? You want to write it as, “I will remain in a clam and resourceful state when the audience don’t respond and objectively use other well thought of question to induce their involvement with me”

How will You Know That You Have Achieve Your GOAL?

wImagine achieving your goal now, what will you see, hear or feel? Put yourself into the future and fully experience it. Our mind cannot tell the different between what is vividly imagined and what is real. What you can see, hear or feel determines what is real. So state your goal in sensory specific details.

wEg. “I know I’ve achieved my goal when I feel confident” its not sensory specific. The right evidence is “When I see client asking me an appointment after my presentation and I hear myself answering all the question in a clam and firm voice. I an see the room being filled with lively talking excitingly among themselves about my talk”

Where, When & With Whom Do you Want It?

Under what situation do you want to use this outcome? Do you want this outcome all the time? With whom do you want it? When do you what this outcome materialize?

wEg. “When I see myself in a conference or seminar room, I will walk tall and project my voice with calmness and clarity. I am confident, for I have studied all the necessary information and arranged all the presentation materials”

What Stops You From Already Having Your Goal?

wEg. “Setting out all the right amount if time to prepare all the necessary arrangements and rehearse my presentation.” Or “I have limited belief about my ability to control my fear.”

Knowing what usually stops you from achieving your goal helps you formulate strategies to overcome it and become aware of those potholes.

What Resources Do you Have With You Right Now? OR What Resource Do you Need?

wFind existing resources – “I can make fill use of the experiences from my past presentation. And I already know what mistake to avoid and what important points to emphasize. I can learn from John who has years of experience in this sort of presentation.

Additional resource – “I need to find ways to have full control of my voice and build a solid belief that I’ve got what it takes to succeed.” I want to join the Trainer’s Course to learn advance skills and create opportunities for me to practice until I master it.”

What Will You Gain OR Lose By Achieving This Goal?

Will you lose anything that you now have by achieving this goal? This means thinking about your goal in a holistic sense, including it’s effect on your other goals, other area of your life and how it might affect other people you care for.
wEg. “Am I ready for a promotion as I become a competent presenter?” “How will my success affect my current working buddies?” “I will need to spend more time on this endeavor, which means lesser time for myself and my family, am I prepared for it?”

What & When Is Your First Step In Getting This Goal Into Motion?

Knowing what to do is not as important as doing what you know.

wBreaking my goal down to manageable steps and take action now.

wWhat can I do NOW (on top of what you have already done) to bring yourself one step closer to your goal?

wWhat can I do NOW (on top of what you have already done) to bring yourself one step closer to your goal?

How To Stay Motivated?

2008-06-18T19:44:00.001+08:00

I have researched the subject of "Motivation." It is talked about a lot, but not very much is taught or written about it. I often here people say: "Can you motivate me?" or "I need motivating." or "I've lost my motivation."
Part of the challenge in understanding the concept of "Motivation" is to understand what it means. We seem to have a distorted definition of what it is. Since we know that words have positive or negative energy connected to them, it is important that we know what words we are saying and what those words mean.
Let's start our journey into understanding "Motivation" with a workable definition.

Motivation is:

1. Making a Choice
2. To Take Action
3. For a Result
4. Whether You Feel Like It or Not

"Motivation" is about what you choose, not how you feel. The first myth about "Motivation" is that it somehow has something to do with how you feel. So if you feel like exercising, you are motivated, and if you don't feel like exercising, you aren't. If you feel like working your network marketing business, then you are motivated; if not, you just aren't motivated. If you feel, like going to church, you are motivated; if you don't feel like it.... And as you can imagine, there are hundreds of scenarios that we could mention.
Once we accept a "new definition" of "Motivation," we can move forward to using it as a tool in our lives to help us achieve results.

1. Making a Choice

Everything is a choice. Choice equals results. Good choices = Good results. Bad choices = Bad results. From the time you are born, until the time you die, you will literally make hundreds and hundreds of choices. Every choice has a result. The caveat is that you may make a choice today, but not get the result today. Results are still coming even if delayed. To stay motivated, we start with what choices will we make for specific results in our lives in every area: Physical, mental, spiritual, social, financial, family.

2. To Take Action

Once we make a choice for a result, the mind automatically goes into the mode of: "What action do I need to make in order to achieve the result?" This is how we develop our action plan for choosing and accomplishing results in our lives. If you don't know what action to take to achieve your result, you mind will go into the mode: "Where do I go to learn what to do to accomplish this result?"
Your mind is a powerful friend or foe. With all the many years of studying the mind, we still know so little about it. It was created to help you. Unfortunately with some of our old negative programming, often our mind does not help us. It is so important that we are continually alert to negative programming that is keeping us from fulfilling more of our potential. The reason we take action is for the result.

3. For a Result

What results are you choosing for your life today? The results you have in your life today are from the choices you have made in your yesterday. The results you will have today and in the future will be from the choices you make. Understand, you cannot make the right choices if you have not clearly defined the result.

What results do you choose for your health, you body, your eating habits, etc?
What results do you choose for your thinking, your attitude, your words that you speak, etc?
What results do you choose for your spiritual life? I did not say "religion"; I said for your "spiritual" life?
What results do you choose for being involved with your community, your friends, etc?
What results do you choose for you business, your profession, you finances, etc?
What results do you chose for your family, for your relationships, etc.?
It is important that you develop a "result-driven" mindset.

4. Whether You Feel Like It or Not

When you make a choice to take action for a results, then how you feel does not enter into the equation. How many times do you do what you do, when you do not feel like it? If you have children, how many times do you get up in the middle of the night to take care of your child when you did not feel like it? Have you ever gone to a business training seminar, but you didn't feel like it? Have you ever persevered in the midst of feeling bad, to do a business presentation or make extra calls?
In all of these situations, "Motivation" was in operation. You were "Motivated."
We are "Motivated" when we make a choice to take action for a result whether we feel like it or not. Motivation is not about "feeling," it is simply about "choosing." We can have a Motivated day every day we choose to. Should we chose to have a "laid-back" day, that is great...that is a choice too. We begin the journey of staying motivated when we first know what "Motivation" is.

Power of Positive Talk

2008-06-17T12:00:00.003+08:00

I remember my dad teaching me the power of language at a very young age. Not only did my dad understand that specific words affect our mental pictures, but he understood words are a powerful programming factor in lifelong success.
One particularly interesting event occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally hanging around upside down from the rafters of our lake house. So, it came to no surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn't realize the tree could break or I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun to be up so high.

My older cousin, Tammy, was also in the same tree. She was hanging on the first big limb, about ten feet below me. Tammy's mother also noticed us at the exact time my dad did. About that time a huge gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear the leaves start to rattle and the tree begin to sway. I remember my dad's voice over the wind yell, "Bart, Hold on tightly." So I did. The next thing I know, I heard Tammy screaming at the top of her lungs, laying flat on the ground. She had fallen out of the tree.
I scampered down the tree to safety. My dad later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, when Tammy's mother felt the gust of wind, she yelled out, "Tammy, don't fall!" And Tammy did. fall.

My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image. In fact, people who rely on internal pictures cannot see a negative at all. In order for Tammy to process the command of not falling, her nine-year-old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined. Whereas, my eight-year-old brain instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tightly.

This concept is especially useful when you are attempting to break a habit or set a goal. You can't visualize not doing something. The only way to properly visualize not doing something is to actually find a word for what you want to do and visualize that. For example, when I was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school football team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn't get it together at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my head as I was running out for a pass, "Don't drop it!" Naturally, I dropped the ball.

My coaches were not skilled enough to teach us proper "self-talk." They just thought some kids could catch and others couldn't. I'll never make it pro, but I'm now a pretty good Sunday afternoon football player, because all my internal dialogue is positive and encourages me to win. I wish my dad had coached me playing football instead of just climbing trees. I might have had a longer football career.

Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and your friends the power of a toxic vocabulary. Ask them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to them. Now, follow my instructions carefully. Say to them, "Okay, try to drop the pencil." Observe what they do.
Most people release their hands and watch the pencil hit the floor. You respond, "You weren't paying attention. I said TRY to drop the pencil. Now please do it again." Most people then pick up the pencil and pretend to be in excruciating pain while their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil.

The point is made.

If you tell your brain you will "give it a try," you are actually telling your brain to fail. I have a "no try" rule in my house and with everyone I interact with. Either people will do it or they won't. Either they will be at the party or they won't. I'm brutal when people attempt to lie to me by using the word try. Do they think I don't know they are really telegraphing to the world they have no intention of doing it but they want me to give them brownie points for pretended effort? You will never hear the words "I'll try" come out of my mouth unless I'm teaching this concept in a seminar.

If you "try" and do something, your unconscious mind has permission not to succeed. If I truly can't make a decision I will tell the truth. "Sorry John. I'm not sure if I will be at your party or not. I've got an outstanding commitment. If that falls through, I will be here. Otherwise, I will not. Thanks for the invite."
People respect honesty. So remove the word "try" from your vocabulary.

My dad also told me that psychologists claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up to seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh criticism.
These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children.

Ask yourself how many compliments you give yourself daily versus how many criticisms. Heck, I know you are talking to yourself all day long. We all have internal voices that give us direction.
So, are you giving yourself the 17:1 ratio or are you short-changing yourself with toxic self-talk like, " I'm fat. Nobody will like me. I'll try this diet. I'm not good enough. I'm so stupid. I'm broke, etc. etc."

If our parents can set a lifetime of programming with one wrong statement, imagine the kind of programming you are doing on a daily basis with your own internal dialogue.

Here is a list of Toxic Vocabulary words.

Notice when you or other people use them.

Ø But: Negates any words that are stated before it.
Ø Try: Presupposes failure.
Ø If: Presupposes that you may not.
Ø Might: It does nothing definite. It leaves options for your listener..
Ø Would Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen.
Ø Should Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen (and implies guilt.)
Ø Could Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen.
Ø Can't/Don't: These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without knowing the damage of this linguistic error.

Examples:
Toxic phrase: "Don't drop the ball!"
Likely result: Drops the ball
Better language: "Catch the ball!"

Toxic phrase: "You shouldn't watch so much television."
Likely result: Watches more television.
Better language: "I read too much television makes people stupid. You might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more often!"

3 Steps To Success

2008-06-16T22:27:00.002+08:00

1. Control and direct your thoughts.

It's a decision you make concerning what you think about. So whether you think success, or failure, that's what you will eventually reap.

Thoughts are powerful forces of energy and can only come from your own mind. Since you are the only person in charge of your mind, you create the thoughts that create the circumstances in your life. Since your thoughts create reality, you create your reality.

Just as the conscience mind is the source of thought, so the subconscious mind is the source of power. You give instructions to your subconscious mind through your thoughts. It doesn't know good from bad or right from wrong. It only follows your instructions, which are your thoughts. It will create anything you tell it.

2. Don't worry about the "how-to."

A big mistake is trying to figure out how you are going to do something before you do it. Start by believing you can do something and the "how-to" will follow.

Strong belief triggers the mind to figuring ways and means and the "how-to." So, the simplest way to do anything is to hold a mental picture of what you want as long as possible and as often as possible. Feel that you already have what you desire with certainty and you will see the "how to do it" become manifested.

Because our thoughts are vibrating energy, we create what we want by focusing our thoughts on those things.

3. Get going.

You're simply not committed until you take action. "Faith without works is dead." There is a cause and effect to everything. You think a thought, and then you decide whether or not to act upon it. If you act upon it, there will be a result. If you do not act upon it, there will be a result.

Don't be afraid of taking action. Be in control of your life! Think positive thoughts, come up with ideas, seek good council.